Queen Z. And the obsession lives on.
Call me snobby but I like to try and track down the unexpected when it comes to buying Christmas gifts. Where does that land me? Generally it lands me somewhere in the realm of having to figure out how to wrap a hand painted saw whilst tangling myself in Scotch tape and trying to keep my dog from eating the bow I decided must be worth six dollars. It’s an analogy, sure – but it’s pretty accurate.
A $2 jumpsuit from TJ Maxx. What would she like to be wearing? Probably real Kate Spade. I love winter weather, clothes, glitter acceptable on everything because it’s “festive” and holiday ads. I do. I also live in a city where to justify owning of these pieces, I have to change outfits every 3 hours for the 5 days a year it’s below 70 degrees. Brb.
Juicy / Ralph Lauren / Burberry/ Tory Burch / Dior / Kate Spade
“You remember Kevin? We hold hands now.” That was basically how we explained in a nutshell that we’d started dating to all the random mutual entities in our lives. When you start off working together and then you become close friends, and then your next workplaces collide pretty frequently, it’s pretty cool to have one of your favorite people around you a lot. You settle into that friendship – talk advice regarding each other’s respective (meh) relationships - suppress any idea of anything else – and appreciate it for what it is. And then one of you shows up randomly one night, says, “I’m single…I’m here….and I want you,” and next thing you know you’re texting some unsuspecting and perfectly nice dude at 11pm “this won’t work, I’m sorry” – because you realize as soon as he’s said it that you really…really…really want to hold hands with your best friend.
And I still really really do. Every single day.
But I can’t imagine if we’d turned what has happened to be the best year of my life into an experiment or forced our shift into dating with couples therapy and a public eye. I’ll leave that for the two behind 40 Days of Dating, a social experiment by New York designers, Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman. They decided they were tired of the prospect of dating and discovered that they were super bad at it anyways. Taking 40 days to change their habits, they decided to date each other and re-train their brains. Their public documentation of the experiment got national attention and each day was adorned with a custom typeface from one of their mentionable moments that day. Interesting to read but not something I’ll ever be able to understand.
Besides, you couldn’t force me to see K every day. That just happens because we want it to.
Not all who wander are lost is one of those phrases that’s been tattooed on wrists, bags, socks and inspo notepads for when you get inspoed everywhere for years and years with no foreseeable end. It’s cute sure. Doesn’t really make much sense, no. My theory is actually that all who wander are probably most definitely 100% pretty much entirely uber badoober lost.
Questioning the negative connotation of lost is I guess what I see in that phrase. As I was feeling nice and crazy the other day, I started discussing the house/car/job/city/moving life situation with my handsome voice of reason. How his unrelenting patience and ability to actually talk me into calm without a condescending phrase ever leaving his face exists, I don’t know. What I do know, is after a conversation that started with my brain feeling like it was breaking, I realized there was no shame in actually just pumping the brakes.
Follow that up with what landed in my inbox moments later from 99U and I realize that my Type A “on to the next one” personality always thrived in a checkbox setting. Making lists to make lists to buy these things and do these things and think these things and by this date and read these things and talk about them then again here things is my jam. Take away the lists, the checkboxes, the pre-determined goals and what do you have? You have a whole lot of options and a lot of little bike trails and now you just have to pick where the heck you’re going to drop yourself. House, ok. New job – fine. Marriage – not terrifying anymore. Learn Spanish, try. Make money – eh maybe someday. Austin……………..eh? That hit me hard the past month. I have options and while I love this city, I don’t have to stay here. I don’t think I want to. It would be too easy.
And where to go? Being lost means having options. I think being found sounds like the most horrible thing ever.
Eventually the existing skills will become outmoded. Working backwards … demands that we acquire new competencies and exercise new muscles, never mind how uncomfortable and awkward-feeling those first steps might be.- Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos
It’s been a long time – like since before I was 21 amount of time – that I’ve been in a small town I thought I could live in and love every second of it. I’ve chased the hustle for so many years due to some less than bright light location choices in college, and haven’t realized I would like anything else. In the midst of making a lot of kinda insane adult decisions and big life changes back home, we decided to cheat on Austin with Durham this weekend to escape for a second and I really, really, loved it.
“Stasis is itself criminal for those with the means to move.”
If you’d asked me 5 years ago when the hordes of sorority locusts were carrying Andy Warhol tote bags (but like – Marilyn Monroe Oh Em Geez) if I would enjoy doing research for an Andy Warhol Factory Sessions series of parties for work during ACL, I would have said No Em Gee.
But now that I’m in the trenches of it, I suddenly find myself wanting to decorate my whole house with tinfoil and glitter. Some awesome stuff that’s made it to the idea docket:
I can’t live in New York. I love New York. I can’t live in New York. I’m not sure what it was about this last excursion that solidified that in my mind once and for all that it would never be somewhere I would actually reside in but I 100% know that to be the case now. Maybe it was being yelled at by a stranger every day because everyone does seriously have mad anger issues. Maybe it was the fact that it took me an hour and a half and $16 just to go meet up with a friend from Austin for one evening. Maybe it was the fact that the exhausted looking girl carrying her week’s worth of groceries on the subway gave me some mad germ anxiety. Who knows how much subway that celery absorbed?
Point is, I’m spoiled. I like being able to wash my own clothes and drive to my friends’ houses and get my groceries in five minutes and be seconds away from the city and the lake all at once. My jadedness with Austin disappeared about 72 hours into this trip and I nearly kissed the humidity itself when I landed. Home.
Although Cobble Hill brownstones are cute. Like, legit cute.
The next day you’re famous. Watching the recent success of Amanda Shires and Jason Isbell has been awesome. From the Bobbi counter in Lubbock, TX to the Instagram feeds of people in other cities I barely know -
You can take the girl out of Lubbock and the Lubbock out of the girl and the dust out of the breathing passages and the sequin butt jeans off the butts but there’s still some heart pangs here and there and every nowandagain.