Every now and again I have this list of rules/tidbits? (for lack of a better word) that pile up that the women at work have to put up with on a regular basis. I find that it’s rather essential to occasionally revise one’s list due to sudden insight gained through the ridiculous life experiences that I, seemingly more than most, tend to find myself in.
1. Comic Sans font is never ok. It bothers me and makes me cringe. Might I say, somewhat sadly, that this past fashion week I was watching the Prada show online when *HORRORS* Comic Sans made an appearance on some sign in the background.
2. If you win a Coca-Cola baseball hat stuffed into a bottle in a vending machine instead of receiving your much anticipated Diet Dr. Pepper, you should read the instructions on the bottle that explain how it cracks in two and includes a dollar and a quarter for the purchase of another beverage before spending 30 minutes in a public place sticking your fingers down the neck of the bottle trying to pull the hat out. (Life experience)
3. I was inspired by King of the Hill to have a mutiny with kazoos someday. I will have to wait until I’m very upset about something. I never get upset about anything. Problem.
4. Correction. The Dr. Phil show upsets me terribly. Being stuck in a doctor’s waiting room with it on exacerbates that upset state.
5. When it’s snowing outside is the best time to satisfy ice cream cravings. You wouldn’t believe how great the service is because the people are so so so bored.
6. You will never love where you live until you decide to.
7. GPS devices lie
8. Don’t leave your prized vintage sunglasses where your dog can thoroughly annihilate them because they have the scent of some cat from 1969 lingering on them or something. (Life experience)
9. Wal-Mart= one of the single most terrifying places in the entire universe
10. If you don’t have wrinkles when you’re old it means you had really unfunny friends when you were young.
11. I attribute any form of perceived knowledge I possess to the collection of Legos and Tinkertoys I had as a child.
12. Why does everyone in Texas have the state tattooed on their person? That was the biggest shock to me when I moved here and the most obvious indicator that I’m not born` Texan. (You’d think the accent but give it two years or so and you will being saying oil like ollll too)
13. Daylight savings time is one of the silliest things ever.
14. Don’t try to skateboard for the first time ever down a huge hill (even if your justification is that your little brother is amazing at it and it must be genetic…it’s not)
15. Hang out with people who are so broke they will eat their ice cream after it falls out of their car window into an intersection. (Life experience. Hi friend.)