Things That Stress Me Out

Here is my list of things currently stressing me out. I’m not a very stressed person so it’s not a severe list. It’s more of a “oh…bother” type of a list. Don’t fret pet.

1. Lubbock, TX

Not new on my list. If it’s not potholes it’s Mike Leach. If it’s not Mike Leach it’s the Wal-Mart. If it’s not the Wal-Mart it’s their blatant disregard/tacky exploitation of Buddy Holly’s existence. Oxymoron? No. Go to Lubbock. What they are currently doing is putting the infamous Buddy Holly statue amidst packing noodles along with the old Texas public school textbooks (har har) into storage on July 30. Awesome. The one claim to fame the the 806 has left is the wonderful Mr. Holly and you’re making him do time right as the summer vacationers wander by intending to pose next to him wearing oversize glasses? Oh you so stress me out. Dear Lbk darlings, go hug Buddy goodbye for me. Who knows when he’ll see the light again. (via LubbockOnline.com)

2. Humidity

I’m trying to find a way that my Shirley Temple locks that I so rebelliously insist on straightening can remain straight in 94% humidity and this seriously stresses me out. At some point I feel that it will be necessary for me to accept the fact the outdoor excursions automatically mean that I will have a Brillo pad/did she get electrocuted type of situation on the top of my head and that I need to be ok with that. Perhaps I also need nicer friends. (via Austin people who take pictures at social gatherings. For the love of all that is good in the world take that image of me offline)

3. Groceries

Namely tortillas or coffee. If I run out of one of these I get very grumpy. I don’t eat the tortillas WITH the coffee mind you or coffee in the tortillas, however, if one day I ever decided to try that then I would like to have the freedom and items readily available in my cupboard to do so.

4. Men

Not in a boo hoo he’s so cute I want him to notice that I used Capri pink on my pedi this time instead of my standard Cosmo Crystals Pink and not notice my aforementioned humidity ridden hair and take me away and love me forever type of way. More in a I can’t comprehend why throwing objects at other objects, setting those objects both on fire, yelling at your best friend because he is more talented at both of these above activities and slinging back a week’s worth of calories in an hour in beer form is entertaining. Now mind you, I know a slew of wonderful men so if we have communicated in the past week or two it means I love you and you are excluded from this entry.

5. Marshmallows

Sugary air?

5. My Roommate

She never cleans up after herself, runs around like a maniac, gets really grouchy if she doesn’t eat every four hours, borrows my stuff without asking and usually destroys it and has a tendency to whine if things don’t go her way.

Oh, not my human roommate. They’re awesome. I’m referring to my dog.

6. TV

Namely terrible cell phone commercials that try to convince me that having a certain phone will result in me meeting my soul mate and our child will become the greatest president this nation has ever known.

7. Double rainbows

ahm.

8. Bumper stickers that are put on cars crookedly.

Can’t we love the whales AND brake for garage sales in an orderly fashion?! Am I asking too much!?

9. People who run with strollers

Ok I get it you’re a working parent who is trying to maintain your physical fitness and help your children stay away from the 36 hour Sponge Bob marathon if only just for a mile or so. I applaud you. No really, I do. However, I can’t help but have terrifying mental images on one running into me one day or worse, me running into one. Think about it. You run into a bike BAM he’s down you’re down you brush the dirt of your newly skinned knees and thank heaven he wasn’t cute. A stroller though? You’re not standing after that mows you over. You have the added speed and power that a four-wheeled object rolling down a hill provides not to mention three toddlers sipping happily on Capri Sun while flying down a running trail at 25 mph (or something) hitting you square in the kneecaps. Humiliation-guaranteed, chances of recovery-slim, therapy-most likely necessary. Dear God, please don’t let me die this way. Thanks.

10. Optical fiber objects.

I like lava lamps and glowy starts as much as the next girl but when plastic string formed in the shape of a T-rex starts slowly changing colors without anyone so much as touching it…I freak.

11. People who tell me I stress them out.

It’ll be ok. Here, have a marshmallow.

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